I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
