would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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