The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
