this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
