So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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