i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I would fuck him just for his dog
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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