Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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