Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
