My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
