My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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