Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
