No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
