Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
