Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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