dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
