Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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