i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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