I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
