there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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