I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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