Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
