I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
