she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
