can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
