i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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