we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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