yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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