if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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