I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
