Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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