"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
