Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Randomize
