I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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