It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
