I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize