I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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