I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
