apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
