It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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