we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
