Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
