Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
