it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
