Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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