he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
