so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
