Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
