I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
