god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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