so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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