By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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