I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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