I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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