Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
