I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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