i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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