that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
