Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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