i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think I won the penis lottery.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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