Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
