so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
