Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
