I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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