At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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