wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
